Memorial day is a great time to get together with everyone and use it as an excuse to eat a lot of food and get drunk. This memorial day was no exception. Here are some of the high points and the low points of my weekend.
BEST
Mets sweep the Marlins in Florida
What’s the best way for the Mets to rebound after losing 2 out of 3 in Atlanta? Sweeping the Marlins in Florida in front of a crowd of about 200 people. Delgado finally found his stroke and even though Beltran and Reyes continue to struggle, we didn’t need them to be at the top of their game for us to be successful. We ate their pitching alive, especially Scott Olsen who looked like he was going to go Kevin Brown on us after Dan Uggla made a crucial error where he took as much time to set and throw to first as it takes my dog to get from one side of the house to the other after he hears me drop a piece of bread on the ground. Not that I’m comparing Dan Uggla to a dog, but his ADD throw almost cost him his life because Olsen is a freaking time bomb. I’m setting the over under for amount of starts before he takes a bat and nails Fredi Gonzalez over the head with it at around 5. I’ll take the under.
Braves get swept at home by Phillies
I wasn’t sure whether to put this under best or worst, I hate both these teams with a passion but currently the Braves are in 2nd place and the Phils in third, so this is a positive. But the Phillies are surging all of a sudden, and pretty soon we could see a 3-team race in the NL East. Their bats are starting to come to life and Cole Hamels is really looking like the real deal with a 7-2 record and a 3.74 ERA. Look out for Philadelphia. The Braves on the other hand are on a downward spiral, and losing Mike Gonzalez for the year certainly isn’t going to help. With Larry Jones on the DL it’s looking like the Braves are going to need to make a huge statement in June, thankfully the Mets don’t have to play them again until August. How we couldn’t take at least 2 out of 3 the past week is still beyond me. Congratulations to Bobby Cox who wins the Gary Busey award for getting thrown out twice in this series, and is only 2 ejections away from the all-time record. How he comes up with new material to degrade umpires almost every series is incredible to me, but there will be one day when he’s feeling uninspired and will just call the Ump’s sister a whore and his mother a terrorist. Then we’ll get the World Cup Finals reenactment only this time I won’t be upset.
Yankees get swept by Angels
Steinbrenner is about to go ape shit on Brian Cashman. If this team doesn’t turn it around by July you can bet your grandmother’s deed to her house that Cashman gets canned. Torre on the other hand will probably be sitting in the dugout for the rest of the season with the same sedated face of a 70 year old who looks like he just found out his family is sending him to a retirement. Of course the old man wouldn’t understand what is going on, and that’s sort of how Torre has been managing. Blindly. I’m also setting another over under, amount of days before Luis Vizcaino’s arm falls off. We’ll go with July 25th, and again I’ll take the under. Then the Yankees will be the only team in Major League history to have to players pitch for the franchise who didn’t have arms, the other being Jim Abbot. Abbot actually threw a no-hitter though, so maybe that would be a blessing in disguise, because Torre will still tell Ron Guidry to warm up Vizcaino, missing arm and all.
Memorial Day Barbeque
There is nothing better than watching Baseball during Memorial Day weekend and eating some good food with friends and family. What makes it better is when you a long with 4-5 others are the only Mets fans at a party with 30 people. The other 25 being Yankees fans. The satisfaction I felt at the barbeque, seeing all those arrogant Yankee fans miserable and moping around, is undescribable. It’s like the feeling somebody gets when you’re the only person in the class who scored a 90% or better on a test, and everyone else got a 60%. And that would be an understatement. Maybe its sick for me to get a thrill out of seeing disappointment in my family, but I’ve taken shit from them long enough. Enjoy the back pages of the papers, they serve as constant reminders about why your team sucks.
WORST
Vince Carter Rumors
Vince Carter is going to leave New Jersey. That has become common knowledge to anyone who pays attention to the NBA. However as a Knicks fan, I’m concerned. More rumors surfaced this weekend about the growing interest of the Knicks trying to sign and trade for Vince Carter. When I first heard these rumors on WFAN I felt sick. Not the kind of sick when you’re throwing up and can’t do anything, but the kind of sick where you have enough illness to effect your mood and leave you feeling crappy, but not sick enough to stay home from school or work. It’s like Isiah Thomas wants me to be tortured. Not that Vince Carter isn’t a great player, because he is, but because he’s just another superstar who can’t win a title and is on the decline of his career. What makes these rumors worse is that the Knicks may deal David Lee and Jamal Crawford in order to sign Carter. If this happens, you can bet I’ll be sporting a Brooklyn Nets jersey the day they move. Give me Carter, and I’ll give you a middle finger.
Michael Vick “Kingpin of Dog Fights”
After the marijuana incident I said to myself, “What the fuck is this guy thinking? He’s making millions of dollars a year and probably has 10 ounces of weed back home, where he was traveling to, and he needs to hold onto this gram of weed? Someone please explain this to me.” Now it’s become clear, Michael Vick is an idiot. ESPN reported that an undisclosed source says Mike Vick is “a kingpin in the dog fighting world”. I find this sad and pathetic on two levels. The first level being because dog fighting is one of the most disgusting, inhumane, brutal and pathetic things any human could ever be involved in. The other level being that Mike Vick is a kingpin in dog fighting, but can’t become a good football player in the NFL. Stick to dogfighting Mike, and by dogfighting I mean prison.
NBA Conference Finals
How boring have these games been? Ever since the Warriors were eliminated and Steve Nash was run out of town, it’s been hard to be interested in the other games. I respect the hell out of Tim Duncan and the Spurs, but jesus christ they are boring. I feel like I’m watching paint dry when I see them play, only the paint has an amazing defense. The Utah Jazz don’t even deserve to be an NBA team due to their name. Utah is one of the most highly populated white areas in the country, and their team name is the Jazz, a staple of African-American music. I’m pretty sure they don’t even allow music in Mormon Town, USA. I do enjoy watching the Detroit Pistons, but when they play the Cleveland Cavaliers something automatically is turned off for me. After mailing in the first half of the season, LeBron James turned it around and had one hell of a second half. However now he’s starting to play like a little school boy bitch. I understand that passing to Donyell Marshall for the wide open three was the right play to make, but not when you’re the next Michael Jordan. And I’m also getting sick of these comparisons to Jordan (even though I just made one my self). LeBron James doesn’t have the will to win that Jordan had. It seems like James cares about the playoffs and his team about as much as George W. Bush cares about the country. And any Republicans who read this, that wasn’t a compliment.
Quote of the Weekend:
“How could you give him a Mets towel? That’s worse than giving him a Nazi towel with the Swastika on it!”
Not that this quote made me happy, but it sure does show how pathetic Yankees fans have become. Or should I say are.
They’ll never change.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
McCarver and Buck are Replaceable... Believe Me
After watching the first Subway Series of 2007, I came to the realization that the Yankees were not the most pathetic team to perform this weekend. It wasn’t the Mets either. So who does that leave? Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Can anyone think of a more boring, and incoherent announcing duo than these two? I don’t know one person who actually enjoys listening to them mess up on regular basis every Saturday afternoon. That is why I have decided to come up with the next Fox Sports baseball announcing duo to replace these incompetent’s. Here are 10 duo’s that I think could do a better job than Mr. Buck and Mr. McCarver.
DUO #1: Bob Barker and Adam Sandler
If you don’t know by now, Bob Barker has left the Price Is Right and is moving on to bigger and better things, such as playing golf and sitting on a pile of money all day long. Nobody will ever be able to replace him on the Price Is Right, but we certainly can replace the Price Is Right for him. Sandler desperately needs to revive his career (fishing for movies like “I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry” about two firemen who pretend to be homosexuals to get a better deal on an apartment… riiiiiiight.), and bringing him in to make jokes for 9 innings would be an interesting experiment. Not to mention the deal breaker, every 7th inning stretch Barker and Sandler reenact the fight from Happy Gilmore when Bob kicked the shit out of Adam, only this time bats and rosin bags are allowed to be used as weapons.
DUO #2: John Riggins and Floyd Mayweather Sr.
If you haven’t heard John Riggins announce a football game before, make sure that you listen to one in the upcoming season. We all know Riggins has good football knowledge, but when he hits the booth the man goes crazy, going off on tangents during the game and joking around about the game the whole time. Mayweather Sr. is also one of the craziest people you will ever hear or see on television. During an interview before the De La Hoya – Mayweather Jr. Fight, Floyd Sr. answered every question abstractly and never answered them with something that made any sense. Having these two in the booth would not only be hilarious to listen to for 9 innings, but there would be a 75% chance every game that Floyd Sr. would go crazy and start yelling at Riggins. Now THAT is interesting TV.
DUO #3: Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie
They get everything else they want, so we might as well just get them out of the way here because if McCarver and Buck ever did lose their jobs, Fox would tell them they’re getting their own reality show called “9 Innings In Paris… and Nicole”. They could broadcast live from the woman’s prison and an A.A. meeting because more than likely, we’ll be able to find them there.
DUO#4: Al Sharpton and Don Imus
Nobody else would be bold enough to try this duo out, but guess what? I don’t care. Don Imus is easily the biggest scum bag who ever had a radio show other than Howard Stern, and after his meeting with Sharpton you can believe there would be some interesting tension in the booth. Because of Imus’ comments about the Rutgers Women’s basketball team, Sharpton and Imus had a sit down in which Sharpton introduced Imus to his daughter. Now imagine the two of them broadcasting a game, and in the middle of an inning sharpton bringing in every single one of his female relatives to meet Don Imus. That would be something to watch.
DUO #5: 1980’s Bill Cosby and Early 1990’s Will Smith
We are talking Cosby Show, Bill Cosby. We’re talking Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, Will Smith. The Nick at Night duo would be one of the most outrageous duo’s in television history. Cosby would do his famous dance during the take me out to the ball game song and Smith would just be making fun of Cosby the entire time. I can’t think of a crazier comedian than Bill Cosby, and adding a young Will Smith who acts like he’s on speed on the show, would make for some insane TV.
DUO #6: Tommy Lee and Orioles Announcer
Did I go too far? These two just because you can be sure they would be fired before the end of the 1st inning, possibly putting an end to Fox Saturday Baseball. We could only wish.
DUO #7: Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant
I know many people have said they’re sick of the feud the media creates between the two, but the bottom line is these guys hate each other. Shaq will make ridiculous analogies about brick walls and corvettes and then Kobe can whine about how he doesn’t think he’s a corvette and so on and so forth. This will ultimately end in Shaq accusing Kobe of rape, and Kobe finally admitting his secret man crush for O’Neal. It’s like a soap opera in the form of two basketball players. The only rule about this duo is Sha must refer to himself in the third person and he must use the name Diesel, otherwise these two don’t get the job.
DUO #8: Ali-G and Borat
Let’s get Sasha Baren Cohen in the booth, he can do the voices for Ali-G and Borat for nine innings, make rude and offensive remarks that we’ll be sure to remember and laugh about longer than we were laughing when Tim McCarver called Shea Stadium “Shea Park”. Only this time we won’t want to kill the announcer after we’re done laughing at him. God I hate Tim McCarver.
DUO #9: Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn
Will Ferrell has to be in here because of his Harry Carry impersonation. Just priceless. Vince Vaughn only because we need someone else for it to be a duo, as far as im concerned he can just sit in the corner as long as Ferrell is talking for the full 9 innings and not breaking character once. That would be amazing.
DUO #10: Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro
This will settle the “who is the better actor?” debate and I’m convinced there will be at least 5 arguments that end up with DeNiro speaking in an Italian accent and Pacino reenacting the dinner scene from Scarface (the one where he makes a scene and starts yelling at people and saying he’s the bad guy… I’m still waiting for my time to make that speech in a classy joint). Personally I like Pacino more than DeNiro, but DeNiro may get the nod only because Tony Montana was in Gigli and S1m0ne. Maybe we can rewrite history, take Pacino out of Gigli and S1m0ne, take DeNiro out of The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, and replace them with McCarver and Buck because that line of crap work more suits them.
I would be happy with any of these duos taking over for McCarver and Buck, and a few of them would just end Fox Saturday baseball permanently which would be a good thing. So plug in any of these announcing duo’s and I think baseball may be saved, the only problem is Joe Morgan and Jon Miller are still announcing. Steroid rumors can go a long way.
DUO #1: Bob Barker and Adam Sandler
If you don’t know by now, Bob Barker has left the Price Is Right and is moving on to bigger and better things, such as playing golf and sitting on a pile of money all day long. Nobody will ever be able to replace him on the Price Is Right, but we certainly can replace the Price Is Right for him. Sandler desperately needs to revive his career (fishing for movies like “I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry” about two firemen who pretend to be homosexuals to get a better deal on an apartment… riiiiiiight.), and bringing him in to make jokes for 9 innings would be an interesting experiment. Not to mention the deal breaker, every 7th inning stretch Barker and Sandler reenact the fight from Happy Gilmore when Bob kicked the shit out of Adam, only this time bats and rosin bags are allowed to be used as weapons.
DUO #2: John Riggins and Floyd Mayweather Sr.
If you haven’t heard John Riggins announce a football game before, make sure that you listen to one in the upcoming season. We all know Riggins has good football knowledge, but when he hits the booth the man goes crazy, going off on tangents during the game and joking around about the game the whole time. Mayweather Sr. is also one of the craziest people you will ever hear or see on television. During an interview before the De La Hoya – Mayweather Jr. Fight, Floyd Sr. answered every question abstractly and never answered them with something that made any sense. Having these two in the booth would not only be hilarious to listen to for 9 innings, but there would be a 75% chance every game that Floyd Sr. would go crazy and start yelling at Riggins. Now THAT is interesting TV.
DUO #3: Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie
They get everything else they want, so we might as well just get them out of the way here because if McCarver and Buck ever did lose their jobs, Fox would tell them they’re getting their own reality show called “9 Innings In Paris… and Nicole”. They could broadcast live from the woman’s prison and an A.A. meeting because more than likely, we’ll be able to find them there.
DUO#4: Al Sharpton and Don Imus
Nobody else would be bold enough to try this duo out, but guess what? I don’t care. Don Imus is easily the biggest scum bag who ever had a radio show other than Howard Stern, and after his meeting with Sharpton you can believe there would be some interesting tension in the booth. Because of Imus’ comments about the Rutgers Women’s basketball team, Sharpton and Imus had a sit down in which Sharpton introduced Imus to his daughter. Now imagine the two of them broadcasting a game, and in the middle of an inning sharpton bringing in every single one of his female relatives to meet Don Imus. That would be something to watch.
DUO #5: 1980’s Bill Cosby and Early 1990’s Will Smith
We are talking Cosby Show, Bill Cosby. We’re talking Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, Will Smith. The Nick at Night duo would be one of the most outrageous duo’s in television history. Cosby would do his famous dance during the take me out to the ball game song and Smith would just be making fun of Cosby the entire time. I can’t think of a crazier comedian than Bill Cosby, and adding a young Will Smith who acts like he’s on speed on the show, would make for some insane TV.
DUO #6: Tommy Lee and Orioles Announcer
Did I go too far? These two just because you can be sure they would be fired before the end of the 1st inning, possibly putting an end to Fox Saturday Baseball. We could only wish.
DUO #7: Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant
I know many people have said they’re sick of the feud the media creates between the two, but the bottom line is these guys hate each other. Shaq will make ridiculous analogies about brick walls and corvettes and then Kobe can whine about how he doesn’t think he’s a corvette and so on and so forth. This will ultimately end in Shaq accusing Kobe of rape, and Kobe finally admitting his secret man crush for O’Neal. It’s like a soap opera in the form of two basketball players. The only rule about this duo is Sha must refer to himself in the third person and he must use the name Diesel, otherwise these two don’t get the job.
DUO #8: Ali-G and Borat
Let’s get Sasha Baren Cohen in the booth, he can do the voices for Ali-G and Borat for nine innings, make rude and offensive remarks that we’ll be sure to remember and laugh about longer than we were laughing when Tim McCarver called Shea Stadium “Shea Park”. Only this time we won’t want to kill the announcer after we’re done laughing at him. God I hate Tim McCarver.
DUO #9: Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn
Will Ferrell has to be in here because of his Harry Carry impersonation. Just priceless. Vince Vaughn only because we need someone else for it to be a duo, as far as im concerned he can just sit in the corner as long as Ferrell is talking for the full 9 innings and not breaking character once. That would be amazing.
DUO #10: Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro
This will settle the “who is the better actor?” debate and I’m convinced there will be at least 5 arguments that end up with DeNiro speaking in an Italian accent and Pacino reenacting the dinner scene from Scarface (the one where he makes a scene and starts yelling at people and saying he’s the bad guy… I’m still waiting for my time to make that speech in a classy joint). Personally I like Pacino more than DeNiro, but DeNiro may get the nod only because Tony Montana was in Gigli and S1m0ne. Maybe we can rewrite history, take Pacino out of Gigli and S1m0ne, take DeNiro out of The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, and replace them with McCarver and Buck because that line of crap work more suits them.
I would be happy with any of these duos taking over for McCarver and Buck, and a few of them would just end Fox Saturday baseball permanently which would be a good thing. So plug in any of these announcing duo’s and I think baseball may be saved, the only problem is Joe Morgan and Jon Miller are still announcing. Steroid rumors can go a long way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
