McCarver and Buck are Replaceable... Believe Me

After watching the first Subway Series of 2007, I came to the realization that the Yankees were not the most pathetic team to perform this weekend. It wasn’t the Mets either. So who does that leave? Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Can anyone think of a more boring, and incoherent announcing duo than these two? I don’t know one person who actually enjoys listening to them mess up on regular basis every Saturday afternoon. That is why I have decided to come up with the next Fox Sports baseball announcing duo to replace these incompetent’s. Here are 10 duo’s that I think could do a better job than Mr. Buck and Mr. McCarver.


DUO #1: Bob Barker and Adam Sandler
If you don’t know by now, Bob Barker has left the Price Is Right and is moving on to bigger and better things, such as playing golf and sitting on a pile of money all day long. Nobody will ever be able to replace him on the Price Is Right, but we certainly can replace the Price Is Right for him. Sandler desperately needs to revive his career (fishing for movies like “I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry” about two firemen who pretend to be homosexuals to get a better deal on an apartment… riiiiiiight.), and bringing him in to make jokes for 9 innings would be an interesting experiment. Not to mention the deal breaker, every 7th inning stretch Barker and Sandler reenact the fight from Happy Gilmore when Bob kicked the shit out of Adam, only this time bats and rosin bags are allowed to be used as weapons.

DUO #2: John Riggins and Floyd Mayweather Sr.
If you haven’t heard John Riggins announce a football game before, make sure that you listen to one in the upcoming season. We all know Riggins has good football knowledge, but when he hits the booth the man goes crazy, going off on tangents during the game and joking around about the game the whole time. Mayweather Sr. is also one of the craziest people you will ever hear or see on television. During an interview before the De La Hoya – Mayweather Jr. Fight, Floyd Sr. answered every question abstractly and never answered them with something that made any sense. Having these two in the booth would not only be hilarious to listen to for 9 innings, but there would be a 75% chance every game that Floyd Sr. would go crazy and start yelling at Riggins. Now THAT is interesting TV.

DUO #3: Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie
They get everything else they want, so we might as well just get them out of the way here because if McCarver and Buck ever did lose their jobs, Fox would tell them they’re getting their own reality show called “9 Innings In Paris… and Nicole”. They could broadcast live from the woman’s prison and an A.A. meeting because more than likely, we’ll be able to find them there.

DUO#4: Al Sharpton and Don Imus
Nobody else would be bold enough to try this duo out, but guess what? I don’t care. Don Imus is easily the biggest scum bag who ever had a radio show other than Howard Stern, and after his meeting with Sharpton you can believe there would be some interesting tension in the booth. Because of Imus’ comments about the Rutgers Women’s basketball team, Sharpton and Imus had a sit down in which Sharpton introduced Imus to his daughter. Now imagine the two of them broadcasting a game, and in the middle of an inning sharpton bringing in every single one of his female relatives to meet Don Imus. That would be something to watch.

DUO #5: 1980’s Bill Cosby and Early 1990’s Will Smith
We are talking Cosby Show, Bill Cosby. We’re talking Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, Will Smith. The Nick at Night duo would be one of the most outrageous duo’s in television history. Cosby would do his famous dance during the take me out to the ball game song and Smith would just be making fun of Cosby the entire time. I can’t think of a crazier comedian than Bill Cosby, and adding a young Will Smith who acts like he’s on speed on the show, would make for some insane TV.

DUO #6: Tommy Lee and Orioles Announcer
Did I go too far? These two just because you can be sure they would be fired before the end of the 1st inning, possibly putting an end to Fox Saturday Baseball. We could only wish.

DUO #7: Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant
I know many people have said they’re sick of the feud the media creates between the two, but the bottom line is these guys hate each other. Shaq will make ridiculous analogies about brick walls and corvettes and then Kobe can whine about how he doesn’t think he’s a corvette and so on and so forth. This will ultimately end in Shaq accusing Kobe of rape, and Kobe finally admitting his secret man crush for O’Neal. It’s like a soap opera in the form of two basketball players. The only rule about this duo is Sha must refer to himself in the third person and he must use the name Diesel, otherwise these two don’t get the job.

DUO #8: Ali-G and Borat
Let’s get Sasha Baren Cohen in the booth, he can do the voices for Ali-G and Borat for nine innings, make rude and offensive remarks that we’ll be sure to remember and laugh about longer than we were laughing when Tim McCarver called Shea Stadium “Shea Park”. Only this time we won’t want to kill the announcer after we’re done laughing at him. God I hate Tim McCarver.

DUO #9: Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn
Will Ferrell has to be in here because of his Harry Carry impersonation. Just priceless. Vince Vaughn only because we need someone else for it to be a duo, as far as im concerned he can just sit in the corner as long as Ferrell is talking for the full 9 innings and not breaking character once. That would be amazing.

DUO #10: Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro
This will settle the “who is the better actor?” debate and I’m convinced there will be at least 5 arguments that end up with DeNiro speaking in an Italian accent and Pacino reenacting the dinner scene from Scarface (the one where he makes a scene and starts yelling at people and saying he’s the bad guy… I’m still waiting for my time to make that speech in a classy joint). Personally I like Pacino more than DeNiro, but DeNiro may get the nod only because Tony Montana was in Gigli and S1m0ne. Maybe we can rewrite history, take Pacino out of Gigli and S1m0ne, take DeNiro out of The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, and replace them with McCarver and Buck because that line of crap work more suits them.

I would be happy with any of these duos taking over for McCarver and Buck, and a few of them would just end Fox Saturday baseball permanently which would be a good thing. So plug in any of these announcing duo’s and I think baseball may be saved, the only problem is Joe Morgan and Jon Miller are still announcing. Steroid rumors can go a long way.